THE TUDORS

ANNE OF THE THOUSAND DAYS (1969)

He was King. She was barely 18. And in their thousand days they played out the most passionate and shocking love story in history!

"I've stabbed and fought and clawed...
I've looted and plundered...
ripped and torn the bodies of my
friends...to find the
heart of the woman
I love..."

At a court ball, the 18-year-old Anne Boleyn (Genevieve Bujold, "Swashbuckler"), the younger Boleyn girl, catches the eye of King Henry VIII (Richard Burton).


Ladies, hold your breaths for:

* Richard Burton (b. 1925, "Cleopatra", "Alexander the Great").

ARTHURIAN

THE MISTS OF AVALON (2001 miniseries)

Passion. Mysticism. Adventure. Journey beyond the legend of Camelot.

Official TNT site

Based on a 1983 bestseller by Marion Zimmer Bradley it tells the story of the strong women behind the legend.

Arthur's (Edward Atterton) pagan mother, Igraine (Caroline Goodall), is married to a Christian man, Gorlois (Clive Russell, b. 1945, "Middlemarch", "King Arthur"), but drawn to the rugged pagan Uther Pendragon (Mark Lewis Jones, b. 1964, "Master and Commander", "Troy"), with whom she has a son, Arthur. Morgause (Joan Allen), Igraine's younger sister, Arthur's scheming aunt, falls in love and marries King Lot (Christopher Fulford, b. 1955, "Middlemarch", "King Arthur"). Their son, Gawain (Noah Huntley), is next in line to the throne should Arthur fail to get a son. It's Arthur's half-sister, priestess Morgaine (Julianna Margulies), who secretly gives Arthur that son, Mordred (Hans Matheson), although it's her handsome and brave cousin, Lancelot (Michael Vartan), Morgaine falls in love with. Unfortunately, Lancelot is stricken by Gwenwyfar (Samantha Mathis), the beautiful Christian daughter of a Welsh king, who, unbeknownst to Lancelot, is Arthur's wife-to-be.

Lancelot [farewell words to Gwenhwyfar]: "I pray that there is a heaven. And that when I die, you would be an angel in it, so we can be together at last."

Ladies, hold your breaths for FIVE STARS:

* Edward Atterton (b. 1962, "The Scarlet and the Black", "Sharpe's Honour", "The Hunchback", "The Man in the Iron Mask") as Arthur

* Michael Vartan (b. 1968, "Alias") as Lancelot, Arthur's First Knight

* Hans Matheson (b. 1975, "Les Misérables", "I am Dina", "Doctor Zhivago", "The Virgin Queen", "The Tudors") as Mordred, the illegitimate son of Morgaine and King Arthur

* Ian Duncan (b. 1975, "Julius Caesar") as Sir Accolon, a pagan Knight of the Round Table and Morgaine's lover

* Noah Huntley (b. 1974, "") as Sir Gawain, Morgause's son

ARTHURIAN

KING ARTHUR (2004)

The Untold True Story That Inspired The Legend

Official Buena Vista International site (in the international lingua French)

A decidedly different take on the tale of King Arthur, Guinevere and the Knights of the Round Table. After 15 years of serving and fighting for the Roman Empire, Arthur/Artorious Castus (Clive Owen) and his band of Sarmatian elite knights have one last mission, after which freedom, finally, awaits, if not in this life, in the next then. Their mission, however, is soon called to question when Arthur rescues a Woad warrior maiden, Guinevere (Keira Knightley, "Doctor Zhivago", "Pirates of the Caribbean", "P&P", "Atonement", "The Duchess") from imprisonment and torture.♥

Guinevere: "Arthur and his knights. A leader both Briton and Roman. And yet, you chose your allegiance to Rome, to those who take what does not belong to them. That same Rome that took your men from their homeland."

Arthur: "Listen, lady, do not pretend you know anything about me or my men."

Guinevere: "How many Britons have you killed?"

Athur: "As many as tried to kill me. It's the natural state of any man to want to live."

Guinevere: "Animals live! It's the natural state of any man to want to live free... in their own country. I belong to this land. Where do you belong, Arthur?"

Guinevere [to Athur]: "Is there nothing about my land that appeals to your heart? Your own father married a Briton. Even he must have found something to his liking."

Ladies, hold your breaths for NINE STARS, for quite a handsome brotherhood these men make, Arthur's Knights of the Round Table:


* The tall, dark and suave Clive Owen (b. 1964, "Gosford Park", "Elizabeth: The Golden Age") as Athur, a man in conflict

* Ioan Gruffudd (b. 1973, ("Hornblower", "The Forsyte Saga"), as Arthur's best friend, Lancelot, who in this version has no claim on Guinevere

* The dark handsome Scandinavian Mads Mikkelsen (b. 1965, "I am Dina") as the falconer Tristan

* The quite Hugh Grant-like Hugh Dancy (b. 1975, "Madame Bovary", "Young Blades", "Daniel Deronda", "Elizabeth I") as Galahad

* The German leading man Til Schweiger (b. 1963) as the Saxon Cynric

* Ray Stevenson (b. 1964, "Rome") as the brave, loyal Dagonet

* Ray Winston (b. 1957, "Henry VIII", "Cold Mountain", "Beowulf", "Robin of Sherwood", ) as the mountain of a man, Bors

* Joel Edgerton (b. 1974) as the young and brash Gawain

* The hot couple Arthur and Guinevere

ARTHURIAN

FIRST KNIGHT (1995)

Their greatest battle would be for her love

An unabashedly romantic retelling of the classic love-triangle between aging noble King Arthur (Sean Connery), his beautiful young wife Queen Guinevere (Julia Ormond, "Legends of the Fall"), and the brazen rival knight Sir Lancelot (Richard Gere) which threatened to bring the legendary Camelot to its knees. The story begins when sword-wielding Lancelot rescues his future queen, Lady Guinevere, from an ambush and the two fall in love. Only, the lady is on her very way to marry King Arthur... ♥

Lancelot: "I dare not kiss so lovely a lady. I have but one heart to lose."

Ladies, hold your breaths for TWO STARS:

* The always charmant Grand Old Man Sean Connery (b. 1930, "Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight", "The Name of the Rose", "Highlander", "Robin and Marion", "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves")

* Richare Gere (b. 1949, "Days of Heaven", "Sommersby"), hardly any less charming

ARTHURIAN

EXCALIBUR (1981)

Forged by a god.
Foretold by a wizard.
Found by a king.

To secure peace, wizard Merlin (Nicol Williamson) gives the mystical sword Excalibur to Uther Pendragon (Gabriel Byrne). At his death Uther buries the sword into a stone: the next man to pull it out will be King of England. Years later, Uther's bastard son, Arthur (Nigel Terry) frees the famed sword and thus is destined to be crowned king. Guided by Merlin, Arthur marries Guenevere (Cherie Lunghi), establishes the great court of Camelot and gathers the Knights of the Round Table. But Merlin's designs on power, the destructive Holy Grail Quest, an illegitimate son together with his half-sister, the sorceress Morgana (Helen Mirren), and Guenevere's love affair with Athur's best knight, Sir Lancelot (Nicholas Clay), threaten Arthur's reign. ♥

Ladies, hold your breaths for THREE STARS:

* Nigel Terry (b. 1945, "Troy") as King Arthur

* Gabriel Byrne (b. 1960, "Lionheart", "The Man in the Iron Mask") as Uther Pendragon

* Nicholas Clay (b. 1946, "Lady Chatterley's Lover", "The Last Days of Pompeii", "Lionheart", "The Odyssey") as Sir Lancelot

* Young Liam Neeson (b. 1952, "The Bounty", "Rob Roy", "Les Misérables", "Kingdom of Heaven", Arthur the King") as Gawain the one who betrays Guenevere and Lancelot

* Young Robert Addie (b. 1960, "Robin of Sherwood") as Mordred the bastard son of Arthur and Morgana

ARTHURIAN

CAMELOT (1967)

The Most Beautiful Love Story Ever!

A film version of a Broadway musical.

King Arthur's (Richard Harris) Camelot is the perfect kingdom, his knights at the Round Table the best in the world, his wife and Queen Guenevere (Vanessa Redgrave, "Mary, Queen of Scots", "Peter the Great", "Young Catherine", "Howards End", "The House of the Spirits", "The White Countess") the most beautiful and loving. Then, along comes the French knight Lancelot (Franco Nero), whose love for the Queen threatens to destroy the famous fellowship. ♥



Ladies hold your breaths for TWO STARS:

* Richard Harris (b. 1930, "Mutiny on the Bounty", "A Man Called Horse", "Robin and Marian", "Gladiator") as the King in love with his Queen

* Franco Nero (b. 1941, "The Last Days of Pompeii") as the Knight in love with the King's Queen

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

TROY (2004)

Stronger, Sexier, More Spectacular!

Official Warner Bros site

An expensive adaptation of Homer's great epic.

Throughout time, men have waged war. Some for power, some for glory, some for honor – and some for love.

In ancient Greece, the passion of two of literature’s most notorious lovers, Paris, Prince of Troy (Orlando Bloom, "The Lord of the Rings", "Kingdom of Heaven", "Pirates of the Caribbean") and Helen (Diane Kruger), Queen of Sparta, ignites a war that will devastate a civilization. When Paris spirits Helen away from her husband, King Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson) it is an insult that cannot be suffered. Familial pride dictates that an affront to Menelaus is an affront to his brother Agamemnon (Brian Cox), powerful King of the Mycenaeans, who soon unites all the massive tribes of Greece to steal Helen back from Troy in defense of his brother’s honor.

In truth, Agamemnon’s pursuit of honor is corrupted by his overwhelming greed – he needs to conquer Troy to seize control of the Aegean, thus ensuring the supremacy of his already vast empire. The walled city, under the leadership of King Priam (Peter O'Toole) and defended by mighty Prince Hector (Eric Bana, "The Other Boleyn Girl"), is a citadel that no army has ever been able to breach. One man alone stands as the key to victory or defeat over Troy – Achilles (Brad Pitt, "Legends of the Fall"), believed to be the greatest warrior alive.

Arrogant, rebellious and seemingly invincible, Achilles has allegiance to nothing and no one, save his own glory. It is his insatiable hunger for eternal renown that leads him to attack the gates of Troy under Agamemnon’s banner – but it will be love that ultimately decides his fate.

Two worlds will go to war for honor and power. Thousands will fall in pursuit of glory. And for love, a nation will burn to the ground. ♥

Paris: "Father, this is Helen."

King Priam: "Helen? Helen of Sparta?"

Paris: "Helen of Troy."

---

King Priam: "I've fought many wars in my time. Some I've fought for land, some for power, some for glory. I suppose fighting for love makes more sense than all the rest."

Ladies, hold your breaths for FIVE STARS:

* Eric Bana (b. 1968) as the honorable-to-the-bitter-end Prince Hector of Troy, tamer of horses

* Brad Pitt (b. 1963) as the wonder boy with a heel

* Orlando Bloom (b. 1977) as the casanova-like reckless young Prince Paris

* Sean Bean (b. 1959, "Lady Chatterley", "Lorna Doone", "The Lord of the Rings") as the sagacious Odysseus

* Adoni(s) Maropis (b. 1963) as King Agamemnon's Officer

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

SPARTACUS (1960)

Rome, 73 B.C. A Thracian gladiator slave Spartacus (Kirk Douglas) leads a revolt against Julius Caesar's decadent empire and loves Varinia (Jean Simmons, "The Big Country", "North and South"), the beautiful slave girl from Britain, who also catches the eye of the Roman general Marcus Crassus (Laurence Olivier). ♥


Ladies, hold your breaths for:

* Young Kirk Douglas (b. 1916, "The Big Sky", "The Vikings", "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral")

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

SAMSON AND DELILAH (1996 TV)

Official Five Mile River Films site

The story of the Biblical couple Samson (Eric Thal) and Delilah (Elizabeth Hurley). Samson is a simple shepherd with Herculean strength fighting against the Philistines and General Tariq (Dennis Hopper). Delilah is a Philistine beauty torn between her love for the shepherd and loyalty to her people. ♥

Ladies, hold your breaths for THREE STARS:

* Eric Thal (b. 1965) as Samson

* Jonathan Rhys Meyers (b. 1977, "Alexander", "The Tudors") as young Samson

* The tall Italian actor Alessandro Gassman (b. 1965) in the role of Amrok

To get in the mood: Marian Anderson presents "Softly Awakes my Heart" from Saint-Saëns's grand opera Samson et Dalila:

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

ROME (2005-2007)

BBC site
HBO site

An intimate drama of lust, love and betrayal; soldiers, masters and slaves; husbands, wives and lovers, set during the last years of Julius Caesar's reign. The series centers on Julius Caesar (Ciarán Hinds), his extended family, political allies and adversaries, and on two common Roman soldiers, Lucius Vorenus (Kevin McKidd) and Titus Pullo (Ray Stevenson), and their lady loves and lives. ♥ ♥ ♥

Ladies, hold your breaths for FOUR STARS:

* Kevin McKidd (b. 1973, "Anna Karenina", "Gunpowder, Treason and Plot", "Kingdom of Heaven", "The Virgin Queen") as the honorable if somewhat dour Vorenus, loving his beautiful peasant princess Niobe

* Ray Stevenson (b. 1964, "King Artur") as the roguish Pullo, who finds love and slave girl Eirene

* James Purefoy (b. 1964, "Mansfield Park", "A Knight's Tale", "The Tenant of Wildfell Hall", "Beau Brummell", "George and the Dragon") as Marcus Antonius, the dashing commander and on/off lover of Caesar's niece, Atia of the Julii

* Ciarán Hinds (b. 1953, "Excalibur", "Persuasion", "Ivanhoe", "Jane Eyre", "Jason and the Argonauts") as the man behind it all, Gaius Julius Caesar, married to Calpurnia but old lovers with Servilia of the Julii, the mother of Brutus

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

QUO VADIS (1951)

An epip classic based on a 1895 novel by Henryk Sienkiewicz.

Returning to Nero's Rome, General Marcus Vinicius (Robert Taylor) meets and falls in love with Lygia (Deborah Kerr, "From Here to Eternity", "The King and I", "Julius Caesar"), a beautiful Christian hostage of Rome. Marcus gets the emperor (Peter Ustinov, "Spartacus") to give her to him for services rendered. Lygia resents this but cannot help falling in love with Marcus anyway. As Nero's hatred for Christians grows, Nero's wife, Poppaea (Patricia Laffan), infatuated with Marcus but rejected by him, has Lygia tied to a wooden stake in the arena while Marcus,desperate to save Lygia, is tied to the spectator's box and forced to watch. ♥

Ladies, hold your breaths for:

* Young Robert Taylor (b. 1911, "Camille", "Ivanhoe", "Knights of the Round Table")

Quo Vadis: a narrative of the time of Nero by Henryk Sienkiewicz, available free at Gutenberg

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

THE ODYSSEY (1997, miniseries)

A miniseries following Homer's epic poem. After the Trojan War, the arrogant but honorable Greek hero Odysseus (Armand Assante) and his loyal crew embark on a long homebound voyage. After ten years of adventurous detours, Odysseus finally fights his way back home - only to find his faithful wife Penelope (Greta Scacchi, "Emma", "Rasputin", "Jefferson in Paris" "Broken Trail", "Country Life", "Camille") surrounded by a crowd of suitors, the worst of them the treacherous Eurymachus (Eric Roberts). Isabella Rossellini ("Wyatt Earp", "Merlin", "Napoléon") is Odysseus's patroness goddess Athena, Geraldine Chaplin ("Doctor Zhivago", "Jane Eyre") the housekeeper Eurycleia and Vanessa Williams the seductive nymph Calypso. ♥

Athena: "The gods cannot do for man what man must do for himself."

Ladies, hold your breath for THREE STARS:

* Armand Assante (b. 1949, "Conquest of Paradise", "The Mambo Kings", "Napoleon and Josephine: A Love Story")

* Eric Roberts (b. 1956)

* Nicholas Clay (b. 1946, "Excalibur", "Lionheart", "Lady Chatterley's Lover", "The Last Days of Pompeii") as Menelaus

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEII (1984 miniseries)

An 80's adaptation of Edgar Bulwer-Lytton's 1834 best-seller The Last Days of Pompeii with (at the time of its making) big budget and spectacular cast (with Sir Laurence Olivier himself as Gaius the Stoic). The series depicts the life and loss of the ancient Roman city and citizens of Pompeii, the decadent coastal playground catering for the rich & famous of imperial Rome, before and during the eruption of volcano Vesuvius 79 A.D.

In Pompeii, cultivated noble Greek Glaucus (Nicholas Clay) falls in love with the noble-born, virtuous and orphaned Ione (Olivia Hussey, "Lonesome Dove"), but the Egyptian Isis-priest and master of deception Arbaces (the handsome, blue-eyed Italian Franco Nero) has other plans for Ione and her fortunes. Meanwhile, the beautiful but blind slave girl Nydia (Linda Purl) falls in love with her kind and noble master, Glaucus, blind to the fact that her master loves Ione - and blind to the fact that the mighty gladiator Lydon (Duncan Regehr) is the one who loves Nydia. Other romantic pairings include Malcolm Jamieson as the persecuted Christian slave Petrus and Lesley-Anne Down ("North and South") as his true love, the belly-dancing courtesan Chloe; Gerry Sundqvist as the noble Roman Clodius and Catriona MacColl as his true love, Julia, the common-born, strong-willed if spoiled daughter of a rich merchant. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Lydon: "You're a fool. Blinder in your heart than in your eyes!"

Ladies, hold your breaths for SIX STARS:

* Malcolm Jamieson ("The Scarlet Pimpernel", "Sharpe's Rifles") as Petrus the slave who loves Chloe

* Benedict Taylor (b. 1960, "Zorro", "The Duel of Hearts") as Antonius, Ione's noble-born brother, fighting to save his sister from Arbaces

* Franco Nero (b. 1941, of the spaghettiwesterns fame) as the evil Arbaces who covets Ione's and Antonius's wealth and prestige

* Gerry Sundqvist (b. 1955) as the noble Clodius in love with Julia

* Nicholas Clay (b. 1946, "Lady Chatterley's Lover", "Excalibur", "Lionheart", "The Odyssey") as the noble Glaucus in love with Ione and loved by Nydia

* Gladiator Lydon/Regehr (b. 1952, "Zorro") loving Nydia

Missed the series?

Check the dedicated fansite

Or read the original 1834 novel by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, "The Last Days of Pompeii," free download at Gutenberg

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

JULIUS CAESAR (1953)

Et tu, Brute?

Based on a classic by Shakespeare. It's Brutus (James Mason) et al. against Caesar's (Louis Calhern) trusted man Marcus Antonius (Marlon Brando, "Mutiny on the Bounty").

Ladies, hold your breaths for:

* Patrician young Marlon Brando (b. 1924)

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS (2000 miniseries)

A man of passion.
A warrior of courage.
A hero of destiny.

An epic saga of good and evil. As a mere boy Jason (Jason London), an heir to the kingdom of Ancient Greece, witnesses the murder of his father at the hands of his ruthless uncle, Pelias (Dennis Hopper). Jason flees his home and returns twenty years later to reclaim the throne, but Pelias sentences him to death. To save his life, Jason promises to deliver the most converted gift of the gods to his uncle - the Golden Fleece. Joined by the Argonauts, a stout-hearted crew of sailors, he embarks on a perilous voyage to capture the Fleece and fulfill his destiny. Jolene Blalock is Medea, the love of Jason's life. ♥

Ladies, hold your breaths for SIX STARS:

* Jason London (b. 1972)

* Angus Macfadyen (b. 1963, "Braveheart") as Zeus

* Brian Thompson (b. 1959, "The X-Files") as Hercules

* James Callis (b. 1971, "The Scarlet Pimpernel", "Arabian Nights", "Helen of Troy", "Battlestar Galactica") as Aspyrtes

* Ciarán Hinds (b. 1953, "Rome", "Jane Eyre", "Persuasion", "Ivanhoe") as King Aeson

* Adrian Lester (b. 1968, "Primary Colors") as Orpheus

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

HELEN OF TROY (2003 TV)

Desire is war.

The abduction of beautiful Helen (Sienna Guillory), wife of Spartan King Menelaus (James Callis, "The Scarlet Pimpernel", "Jason and the Argonauts", "Battlestar Galactica"), by Paris of Troy (Matthew Marsden) triggers a long war. ♥

Ladies, hold your breaths for FOUR STARS:

* Matthew Marsden (b. 1973)

* Rufus Sewell (b. 1967, "Middlemarch", "A Knight's Tale", "Charles II", "The Legend of Zorro", "Tristan + Isolde", "John Adams") as Agamemnon

* James Callis (b. 1971) as Menelaus

* Daniel Lapaine (b. 1971) as Hector

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

GLADIATOR (2000)

A general who became a slave.
A slave who became a gladiator.
A gladiator who defied an emperor.

Russell Crowe (b. 1964, "Master and Commander", "L.A. Confidential", "The Quick and the Dead") is Emperor Marcus Aurelius's (Richard Harris) General Maximus Decimus Meridius. Betrayed by the emperor's ambitious son, Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix, b. 1974, "Quills", "The Village"), captured and enslaved, Maximus fights through the ranks of gladiators to avenge the murder of his family and his Emperor. But Lucilla (Connie Nielsen), Commodus's sister and Maximus's old flame, has one more task for Maximus before he regains his freedom.

Lucilla: "My brother hates all the world and you most of all."

Maximus: "Because your father chose me."

Lucilla: "No. Because my father loved you. And because I loved you."

Maximus, kissing her hand: "A long time ago."

Lucilla: "Was I very different then?"

Maximus, touching her face: "You laughed more."

Ladies, hold your breaths for FOUR STARS:

* General Maximus Crowe, with strength and honor - How could we not be entertained?

* The cruel yet soul-wounded Commodus

* The faithful Juba and Hagen (Djimon Hounsou, b. 1964, "Amistad", and Ralf Moeller, b. 1959, "Conan"), standing by their "general"

* Maximus and Lucilla and the bittersweetness of a love lost

MOVIE MOMENTS, memorable and moving:

GERMANIA

* The opening moments: Maximus the Farmer, lingering through a golden field of wheat, with Lisa Gerrard's score: snap to a frozen blue-hued shot of the stern, comtemplative face of Maximus the General, facing the final crushing battle in Germania, lightening up momentarily, no more than a fleeting moment in time, when spotting a sparrow taking wings.

* Maximus the General, checking his troops even as the bombastic score rises to mythical proportions; by now we know this is no mere hero but a Hero of epic proportions, a throwback to the good golden olden days when men were of steel and ships were of wood.

* Maximus and Lucilla, the first meeting of two people who used to be in love. "Maximus. Maximus, stop," begs Lucilla, with a little, brittle laugh.

* The execution scene: the drifting snow; the blue hues and slices of sunlight; the steely clang-bang of the score; the slo-mo; Maximus's sarcastic hiss, "It's the frost. Sometimes it makes the blade stick."; the echo of Maximus's sharp command, "Praetorian!" in our ears.

ZUCCHABAR

* Maximus the Slave scraping off the Roman legion "I.D." number on his raw shoulder.

* Maximus the Spaniard spreading his powerful arms and asking - no, demanding, "Are you not entertained?"

Oh yes, that we are, even though we probably shouldn't be; this, after all, is a man who kills for entertainment, a man whose heroic worthiness is measured in the lives taken. And kill Maximus does. It is to the great earnestness of Crowe's performance that Maximus as a character manages to retain his integrity despite all the spectacle bloodshed on screen.

* Maximus the Spaniard giving Proximo (the late Oliver Reed) the raised eyebrow signature Crowe-look when discussing how to win the crowd and win the freedom.

IMPERIAL ROME

* Maximus, removing his helmet and turning to face Commodus:

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

* Lucilla, a woman who would and has sacrificed every inch of herself to her son's safety, pays a visit to shackled Maximus in his cell, and later again.

* Maximus the Merciful, bowing to Commodus when the weak emperor tries to provoke Maximus by telling him how his son "squealed like a girl" and his wife "moaned like a whore" when they killed Maximus's family. "The time for honoring yourself will soon be at an end...Highness," replies Maximus with great restraint.

* Maximus, giving Commodus the Crowe-look just before Commodus stabs him ahead of the final climactic battle.

Maximus: "I knew a man once who said, 'Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.'"
Commodus: "I wonder, did your friend smile at his own death?"
Maximus: "You must know. He was your father."

* Maximus giving Commodus the final stab. And the crowd cheers. Well done Maximus. You are home at last.

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

CLEOPATRA (1963)

The classic telling of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt (Elizabeth Taylor, "Ivanhoe", "Quo Vadis"), who forges an alliance with Julius Caesar (Rex Harrison, "My Fair Lady") in order to protect her Egyptian empire. But when Caesar is murdered, she turns to Roman general Marcus Antonius (Richard Burton, "Anne of the Thousand Days", "Alexander the Great") for protection. ♥

Ladies, hold your breaths for THREE STARS:

* Young Richard Burton (b. 1925)

* Cleo and Marcus

* Burton & Taylor

Yearning for more meat & story?

Try Antony and Cleopatra by Colleen McCullough (The Thorn Birds)

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

JULIUS CAESAR (2002 miniseries)

Feared by enemies.
Betrayed by friends.

His time has come

Official Five Mile River Films site

Legendary statesman, military genius and prolific orator, the story of Caesar (Jeremy Sisto, b. 1974, "Six feet Under") is timeless and unforgettable, with Valeria Golina ("Hot Shots!") as Calpurnia, Caesar's wife, and Chris Noth (b. 1954, "Sex and the City") as Pompey.

Ladies, hold your breaths for:

* Yes ... Mr. Big in a toga

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

BOUDICA: WARRIOR QUEEN (2003)

Official Masterpiece Theatre site

In the first century A.D. when Rome ruled the known world, a female warrior in the far-flung province of Britain led a revolt that shook the foundations of the empire, with Alex Kingston ("Moll Flanders") as Boudica the Warrior Queen.

The real Queen Boudica is a fascinating figure who makes a brief but stunning appearance in a work by the first century Roman historian, Tacitus: "The whole nation, took up arms, under the command of Boudica, a woman of royal blood... ."

Ladies, hold your breaths for FIVE STARS:

* Steven Waddington (b. 1968, "Last of the Mohicans" "Ivanhoe") as King Prasutagus

* Gideon Turner as Didius

* Andrew Lee Potts (b. 1979) as Nero

* Claudiu Bleont (b. 1959, "Catherine the Great") as Ossac

* Ben Faulks as Connach

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

BEN-HUR (1959)

Official Warner Bros. site

A classic based on the novel by Lew Wallace.

Prince Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston, "The Big Country") of Judea is betrayed and sentenced to the galleys as a slave by his childhood friend Messala (Stephen Boyd). Revenge and the desire to rescue his imprisoned mother and sister (Martha Scott and Cathy O'Donnell) keep him alive. Once back in Judea, Judah meets Esther (Haya Harareet), the slave girl he once loved but whom he gave her freedom as a wedding present as she prepared for her arranged marriage. ♥

Judah Ben-Hur: "If you were not a bride I would kiss you goodbye."

Esther: "If I were not a bride, there would be no goodbyes to be said."

Ladies, hold your breaths for:

* Young Charlton Heston (b. 1924), driving those iconic chariots

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

ATTILA (2001 miniseries)

Men Followed
Women Loved
Rome Trembled

A romanced story of Attila the Hun, starring the great Scot Gerard Butler ("The Phantom of the Opera", "300", "Beowulf & Grendel") as Attila, Simmone Mackinnon ("MacLeod's Daughters") as N'Kara/Ildico, the feisty red-blooded red-head woman he captures and falls in love with, and Kirsty Mitchell as Honoria, the scheming daughter of Roman General Flavius Aetius (Powers Boothe, b. 1948, "Deadwood") who also falls in love with him. ♥ ♥

Honoria: [about Attila] "He's quite striking - in a primitive sort of way."

Roman Slave Girl: "His clothes are made of animal skins."

Honoria: "Don't worry, he'll be out of them soon enough."

Ladies, hold your breaths for THREE STARS:

* Gerard Butler (b. 1969), with long locks

* Gerard Butler, in animal skins

* Gerard Butler, in man skins

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

ALEXANDER THE GREAT (1956)

A classic that follows the life and conquests of Alexander the Great, the Macedonian king, starring Richard Burton ("Cleopatra", "Anne of the Thousand Days").

Ladies, hold your breaths for:

* Young (and blond) Richard Burton (b. 1925)

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

ALEXANDER (2004)

Fortune favors the bold.

Official Warner Bros. site

Alexander, the King of Macedonia (Colin Farrell, "American Outlaws") and one of the greatest military leaders in the history of warfare, conquers much of the known world. With Angelina Jolie ("True Women", "Beowulf") as Alexander mother, Olympias, Rosario Dawson his wife, Roxane, and Jared Leto as his childhood friend and male erotic love interest, Hephaistion.

Ladies, hold your breaths for SIX STARS:

* Blond Colin Farrell (b. 1976)

* Disfigured Val Kilmer (b. 1959, "Willow", Billy the Kid", "Tombstone", "George and the Dragon") as Philip

* Long-haired Jared Leto (b. 1971, "My So-Called Life")

* Jonathan Rhys Meyers (b. 1977, "The Tudors", "The Governess", "Ride with the Devil", "Sampson and Delilah", "The Lion in Winter"), also sporting long mane, as Cassander

* Blond Neil Jackson (b. 1976) as Perdiccas

* The quintessential tall, dark and handsome Gary Stretch (b. 1968) as Cleitus

SWORDS AND SAND(ALS)

300 (2006)

This is where we fight, this is where they die!!

Official Warner Bros. site

A testosterone-laden retelling of the Battle of Thermopylae, based on Frank Miller's (Sin City) graphic novel 300, with plenty thumping of massive, masculine chests: We are Heroes, we are He-men; hear us ROAR!

When King Xerxes of Persia (Rodrigo Santoro, "Lost") invades Greece with his huge army to extend his vast slave empire, Spartan King Leonidas (Gerard Butler, "Attila", "The Phantom of the Opera", "Beowulf & Grendel") brings his personal body guard army of three hundred warriors to defend the passage of Thermopylae, while his wife Queen Gorgo of Sparta (Lena Headey, "Onegin") tries to convince the council to send the Spartan army to fight against the Persians. ♥

Queen Gorgo: "Spartan!"

King Leonidas: "Yes, my lady?"

Queen Gorgo: "Come back with your shield, or on it."

King Leonidas: "Yes, my lady."

Ladies, hold your breaths for SEVEN STARS:

* fABSulous Gerard Butler (b. 1969)

* Divine Rodrigo Santoro (b. 1975)

* Gritty David Wenham (b. 1965, "The Lord of the Rings", "Australia", "Van Helsing", "Moulin Rouge") as Dilios

* Brooding Dominic West (b. 1969, "Chicago", "A Midsummer Night's Dream", "The Wire") as Theron

* Tom Wisdom (b. 1973) as Astinos in the prime of his youth

* The rest of the army of 300 fantabulous abs, pecs & biceps

* Hot, hot, hot King Leonidas + Queen Gorgo